I’m Moving!!!

I’m moving my website to MsSingleMama.com

The new site isn’t quite finished yet. So you’ll see some tweaking over the next few days. The work is largely behind the scenes. Moving a WordPress blog over is not easy. And this has been a really difficult decision becuase – IT’S NOT EASY. Did I already say that? Losing it.

What you can do to help me sleep at night:

1. Change the address in your bookmark from mssinglemama.wordpress.com to mssinglemama.com

2. Subscribe to my new feed and delete your old feed

3. If you have my website on your blogroll, please change the address to http://www.mssinglemama.com

4. You can still leave comments on this blog but they won’t be copied over to the new website.

Why I am moving!

I love WordPress.com but there is limited widget freedom… I’m still powered by WordPress just not hosted by them.

P.S.

A big thank you to Brad at WordPress Consulting for moving my site over (I LOVE BRAD).

Get your butt over here (to my new site)»

Chaos and Calm

The weather has cooled off.

Fall is just around the corner. Just like that, another summer… gone. Next week I’ll be frantically packing for Denmark – planning out every outfit. I’m a dork like that. And yes, I am SUCH a girl. Hate traveling without bringing all of the necessities, but I’m also a light packer. SO it’s quite the adventure – me packing, or watching me packing.

Thankfully there won’t be anyone watching (it’s embarassing). I try on the outfits, match the shoes with the different skirts and jeans. Then the scarves and even the jewelry. Every piece has to be included because if I’m there and I don’t feel right – I’m annoyed and then I go buy something. Must prevent future Alaina from feeling the need to buy something in order to jazz up her outfit. I’ll have to find a way to fit my cowboy boots in – usually wear them in the airport to solve that problem.

All will be well.

Nope. Not freaking out yet.

Benjamin and I had THE most amazing weekend. I think it’s the cool autumn air blowing through my hot and sticky midwest city… but I was completely calm all weekend. My mind silent for 48 hours straight. Unbelievable.

Benjamin and I chased down hot air balloons, but the wind had them all deflated (they blew this one up for the crowd).

Benjamin was the first of the children to touch it and while the rest backed away because of the heat, Benjamin got closer (no pain/ no fear).

The night before I went to a Black Crowes concert. After my girlfriend and I squirmed our way to the fifth row I could see Chris Robinson’s face. And for some reason, all I could think about was the fact that this guy – had let Kate Hudson go. What had she seen in him? This crazy, rocker guy… she and I have a lot in common. Being single moms and, of course, that damn bad boy complex. What is up with that anyway?

What else?

I met four Matts that night. One was cute but I ran away. I ate a bratwurst so spicy I thought my semi-drunk brain was going to explode. Food stands like that should be illegal if drunk people are around.

Today… on Sunday, Benjamin and I spent the afternoon at Brad’s apartment working on my new website. Yes, another little makeover. But this one is more techinical than anything else – you won’t notice much of a difference but the search engines will! More traffic means more single parents and that makes this single mom very, very happy. Because I know there are a lot of us out there – looking for answers, tips and advice or just the comfort in knowing we’re not alone.

Have a fantastic Monday! I’ll keep you posted on that new site stuff… and as usual, everything else.

Single Mom S.O.S.: Should I leave my ex alone with my son?

I get a lot of e-mails. Some are encouraging, others are from admirers (too funny), some are hateful and then there are the e-mails too urgent to ignore – the e-mails I can’t answer solo. So, with their permission, I pose the question to you – my readers – in hopes that you can offer the advice I can’t. This time, it’s a doozy.

Krissy, 30, is a single mother to her 7-month-old son. Two weeks after she told her boyfriend she was pregnant, he dumped her for someone else. She’s been alone ever since. Her ex only visits his son once a month and when he does… well, just read what she wrote:

He (my ex) is so irresponable with him, he wont listen to me when I try to tell him things, like support him better when you hold him, (he has almost dropped him several times) he has fallen off the bed in his care, he got stuck under a chair in his care, he often ignores him.

I’m so concerned and worried because come September I need to finish college and my ex is offering to look after him while I’m in class. I can’t afford daycare right now. I’m so afraid something terrible is going to happen to my son out of neglect… he doesn’t really enjoy being a dad because it cramps his style. His parents talked him into helping me so I could finish college.

I think it’s clear this guy should not, under any circumstances, be left alone with his son.

Beam me up, Scottie: To Denmark Please!

Two weeks from today – I’ll be here.

With this guy...

And now it’s starting to set in.

I haven’t let myself think about it. I try not to get excited about things. Instead, I stay cool, calm … and then just a few days before it happens – I freak out.

A new smile.

Funny how little I care after seeing him in that much pain. Glad it’s gone. Sayonara dead tooth. Too bad though. Especially after all of the hard work Benjamin put into getting them in the first place… here is teething at 5-months…

The Best of the Single Parent Blogosphere

Because we’re single parents and we don’t have time to read a million blogs every week I use this post to highlight my favorites and let you highlight yours … DON’T BE SHY. Shameless self-promotion is strongly encouraged.

This week’s personal favorites:

Incredulous Relief – Kristin (Better Now)

The relief? Because she’s alive. You’ll be biting your nails in fear when you read Kristen’s two posts about a romantic vacation gone bad, very bad… damn men. Sorry. I promise I’m not a man-hater. This week has just been filled with shocking stories like this one. 

It takes longer to un-do a marriage than it does to grow a human being – Sassafrass

This week I discovered Sassafrass, a sassy single mama in Chicago. Check out her post reflecting on her divorce which is now finally, final (we all know how that feels) and her four-year-old son’s quick adaptation to their new life. 

I have been busier than usual this week, so please – leave me links to your best post…

Oh! And he’s not a single parent – but our favorite commenter, Jon B., needs some advice from us on his relationship with a single mom. Help him out here.

Is his cab light on?

A friend of mine has fallen.

Totally and completely. Off the deep end. In love. And the man… he’s falling too. They’re both young. Their lives are together. Everything is ripe for – BIG BREATHLESS PAUSE – marriage. (Yes, I said that scary “M” word) One huge reason for this – both of their cab lights are on. They’ve both finally decided, in their own time, that it’s time to settle down.

What is a cab light you ask?

A cab light (I’m stealing this from Sex and the City) is when someone, namely a man, is ready to get married. When a man’s cab light is on it means he’s ready for a long-term fare or committed relationship.

But you can’t force a cab light to turn on. That’s the tricky party. It’s all about timing. So should you wait for your man’s cab light to go on? Or should you just give up? You definitely can’t pressure a man into marriage or commitment – that’s relationship suicide.

So when a man’s cab light is on does that mean he’ll fall for the first fare that falls into his lap?

A bond no man can break. Sorry guys.

Last Thursday night Benjamin woke up screaming in pain.

I ran upstairs. His body was lurching forward and backward, legs kicking. Finally I calmed him down and said, “Is it your tooth, baby? Does your tooth hurt?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“Okay. Listen. Tomorrow morning, first thing, we’ll go to the Sticker Doctor (the dentist) and he’ll take the tooth away. Alright?”

“Okay, Mommy.” Until then I gave him some Motrin and watched him drift off to sleep.

When we got to the hospital the next morning, the dentist looked at both of us – bracing himself – he remembered us from the last time when Benjamin fought the body wrap with so much strength that he nearly broke free.

Benjamin looked at that long chair and the board they were going to strap him into and then looked at me.

“You’re going to be fine baby,” I’m trying to choke back my own tears because I hate this shit, “You will. You’re going to be brave and strong. And it is going to hurt, but only for a little bit. And when you’re done they’ll give you Thomas stickers, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

And then an entire room of adults were completely humbled and awed by the strength of a little 2-year-old.

Life is short, get a divorce.

I’ve got nothing, so I’m giving you another fantastic link that’s sure to get your brain going or at the very least, entertain you for a second…

The reason for the link? Because I love you – and I want to make you smile. And I don’t have much time to write tonight.

Spent today cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. So sexy. The house is still trashed. I don’t get it. How can such a tiny little human make such a phenomenol mess, over and over and over again? And I think I actually cooked three meals today. Should be sleeping right now… and will be in a second.

But first, I have to pass this on… check out this post from DivorceDrama.net featuring a collection of divorce photos including one with a law firm’s billboard that says, “Life is short, get a divorce” and the one I’ve pictured here.

I’ve never been a vengeful person, but the future ex-wife billboard is pretty cool.

Would you ever do something like that? Did you ever do anything like that?

Photo Credit: DivorceDrama.net

Single Mom Reflex #1: Take care of each other

In the dating pool, single moms have a lot of reflexes – jerk radar is one of them.

But what happens when a single mom gets fooled? When her jerk radar fails her? It’s happened to all of us – and it’s THE WORST. You feel used, you feel like you wasted your time, you feel completely sick to your stomach and, the worst side effect of all, your kids can usually pick up on the pain.

So there’s another reflex – to take care of each other, to prevent the above from ever happening to another single mom. And when a man dates two single moms at once and then they call each other… it’s not pretty.

READ THIS

P.S. This guy should be locked up into asshole prison or something, do they have one of those? We’ll put it right next to the dead beat dad prison. And, I am not a man-hater because I said that. I’m a jerky man-hater. I am also not particularly fond of anyone who takes advantage of a single mother – in any capacity.