Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 2

Some more tips in addition to my first post: Single Mom Dating Tips

Dating a single mom scares the crap out of men.

As Jeff Mac (Manslations.com) put it when writing about dating a single mom, “just typing about it, here, alone in my apartment, I just peed a little.” Okay so they’re going to be scared. This is the worst and best part about being a dating single mom…men are scared of us. Bad because it is a pain in the ass. Good because it scares off the jerks.
No worries. Once you break down that firewall and show them that you’re just like every other woman – they won’t be as scared. However…

You can and very likely will get burned. So be prepared.

Just like any other single dating woman, there’s a good chance you’ll get burned. But because you have a child the pain is more palpable and often accompanied by temporary feelings of guilt, stupidity and hopelessness. The good news is – you will get over it – I promise. Why? Because you’ve got a kid and very little time to wallow. There are ways to keep the burn to a minimum. Which leads me to…

Love is blind.

When a man falls in love with a single mom the initial love butterflies, overwhelming lust and passion cloud the reality of the situation – that you have a child. So…the burning question – will he survive your reality? Unfortunately we have to wait and find out. All we can do is use our best judgement by listening to our gut. And we have to give ourselves and our men a fair shot at surviving that inevitable reality check. How? We have to stay in control.

• At the beginning. resist the temptation to see him too often … keep your dates to a minimum.
• This will also help you keep your emotions in check. Seeing him infrequently will give you plenty of space to see the situation clearly and determine whether or not this is a true connection or just a sexual connection. Love or lust? Hmmm…tricky, tricky.
• When things do get more serious and you decide to introduce him to the kids, once again keep the visits to a minimum.
• Want some motivation to maintain self-control? Your pain is your child’s pain. We will never be able to fully protect them but we can do our best to prevent it.

Don’t Call Him Too Much.

I’m the worst at this. The worst. I always, always call men too often. I went out on a blind date last summer. I thought he really liked me we’d talked all night and even kissed each other good night (quite a passionate bit of kissing actually). He called me the next day but I missed the call. I returned his call and got voicemail. Days went by and he still hadn’t called me back. So I called him again…and again…and again. This is when I realized I had totally lost my “game.” I’m embarrassed even writing about it.

He eventually e-mailed me to tell me he had a personal relationship with God. That I had tempted him and that God didn’t like that very much. Too bad because he was hot as hell. The moral of the story is – let it go. He may be too busy talking on the phone to God … or his mother … or his ex-girlfriend. Either way – try not to waste your time worrying about it and delete his number from your phone immediately.

Becoming a single mom is a shock and so is dating. You get used to both.

During my first year as a single mom I was obsessed with finding someone. I would moan and groan (in my head and out loud) about the long days and the never ending loneliness. Maybe it just took time…but now – I’m used to it. It’s like a miracle. I’m free from that mental prison. Maybe it’s just because it’s been so long now – but I think this is true for any human being adapting to a new lifestyle or culture – eventually you assimilate or “get used to it.” I have also gotten used to dating…working men into my delicate life balance. I have learned how to manage dating just like I do my job, my finances or my household. Very nice.

Do you have any dating tips? Does any of this ring true? Do you have any dating stories to share?

Photo credit: Notorious, Ingrid Bergman and Cary Grant (my favorites!)