
Okay. This is a tad horrifying.
Last week I offered my video camera to Benjamin’s father. He was also having a birthday party for him. I had videotaped my party for Benjamin, so why not give his dad a chance to do the same? Tonight I got the camera back and on it is a nice little tour of my Ex’s girlfriend’s trailer. (She’s also a single mom by the way. Her son is six. Irony anyone? Pity. Yeah. Got that too.) I’ve never actually seen the place so my Ex decided to give me a virtual tour.
Scene 1:
Grandpa on lazy boy. He’s wearing camoflauge. His stomach is larger than a bean bag.
Benjamin is throwing a balloon in the air. Grandpa is not reacting. He pulls his shirt up and yes, scratches his massive white ass belly.
Scene 2:
Grandma smiles and waves at the camera. She looks sweet. Much more alive than grandpa.
Girlfriend smiles shyly at camera.
Camera swings to Ex’s girlfriend and (I shit you not) focuses on her chest. Her boobs are definitely bigger than mine. But it doesn’t look like she’s wearing a bra and they’re underneath and gigantic red t-shirt. Her hair is long, very long, just above her ass. (Did I mention that she used to be a stripper, oh, and now she works at Taco Bell).
Scene 3:
Finally Benjamin enters again. This time he’s on his father’s lap eating birthday cake. Grandpa is still in the background on the lazy boy. He hasn’t budged.
Scene 4:
Back at the ranch. They’ve returned home to settle in and the tape begins with my Ex giving me a tour of his girlfriend’s living room. I hear Benjamin, but I can’t see him. He’s saying “hold me, hold me.” His father ignores him and continues into the kitchen, “and here is the kitchen,” he’s saying in his thick French accent, “and the floor, nice and clean.” He zooms in on the floor. Benjamin is still crying in the background.
At this point I want to jump through the camera and pick him up. But my Ex keeps going.
He walks into the bedroom and zooms in on his girlfriend. She is on the floor folding laundry. She looks up sheepishly at him, knowing what he’s doing. Knowing that he’s filming this for the sole purpose of “reporting” back to me. Poor thing. She looks tired and sad. Like she’s had such a hard life. And I can’t even believe her dumb luck – that she ended up with my ex-husband. I feel like it’s my fault because I led him to her hometown. I feel for her and then…there’s Benjamin again but only his cries. I still can’t see him.
The cry is now bordering on desperation. He is really upset. Does she grab him? No. She keeps folding the clothes. Now I hate her. No more pity. Why doesn’t she console him? Why isn’t she jumping up to grab him? After all – she knows I’m watching. She doesn’t even care. Benjamin has now been crying for 5 minutes straight.
Scene 5:
My Ex turns the camera on himself. Yes. Really. And then says, “this video is for you Benjamin – you’re the star! It’s your day! Bye Bye.” Then in the last second all you hear is Benjamin crying, “MAMA!!!”
———————
I don’t care about the house, the electric radiator in the bedroom that could burn his little hands or the tacky wall art. Hell, I don’t even care about grandpa and his nasty belly. It was my little guy crying his brains out that kills me.
Sigh. This is officially the worst thing about being a single parent.
P.S. My lawyer says there’s absolutely nothing I can do to control where my Ex takes my son during his visitation.
UPDATE:
I finally met my ex-husbands new girlfriend. Read it and weep here.
Filed under: Being a single mom, My little guy, The Father (My Ex), Uncategorized | Tagged: Divorce, family, love, shared custody sucks, single mom, single mother








This story is heart wrenching. And you’re right, there’s nothing you can do. My attorney told me the same thing. (Sucks that we both had to ask a lawyer)
I want to send you and Benjamin a little hope… when Benjamin gets older (very soon!), he will be able to say, “I don’t want to go to Grandpa’s–” I hope that his dad is able to respect that, if and when his son decides this.
How horrible. As a mother I can imagine the pain searing through you as you listen to his cries. So sorry you had to sit through a viewing of that…even sorrier that Benjamin has to put up with that.
Dad’s House … yes, sucks when you actually call a lawyer about it.
Rachel (SMS) – thanks! You’re right. And he’ll also be able to tell me about his time there…tell me both the good and the bad. Or…call me! Which will be fabulous.
Liz – yep. So, so painful.
Give him a big hug for me…It will not make up for anything…but just sending the good vibes to him.
Wow. This is just heart-wrenching. So sorry you had to see that. So sorry Benjamin had to go through it.
I often wonder how much Son might cry when he’s at daycare. Well, I think about it for a bit, but then I try to force it out of my head. But the looks of the gigantic scratches on his face, he probably cried a lot todoy. Le sigh.
Hugs to you and Ben.
What a sad story. Sorry that you and especially Benjamin had to go through that. There is nothing worse than the crying of a child and it really upsets me when I am in a supermarket or store and I hear a kid crying with no consolation. I can only imagine (having two daughters myself) how you must have felt. So hugs to you and Benjamin and take comfort in the fact that he knows who his mama is and that above everything else, he is the number one person in her life. Kudos to you…
That must be horrible to see/hear. His girlfriend sounds like a real winner…
Hi Miss Megs! Yep…a class act. Sigh. Hopefully he won’t stay with her forever or impregnate her.
Single Working Mommy – just this morning when I dropped him off he was crying his brains out. So hard…as he’s getting older he’s crying more when I leave or drop him off somewhere.
And A Broad – Thanks for the kind words! And yes, you’re right – he and I definitely have the strongest bond you can imagine.
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i weant the shirt
Ms. Single Mama,
The man giving the virtual tour is a self-preoccupied jerk! Obviously the girlfriend is present in his life only as a maid and sexual partner. And just as obviously, she believes that IS her role, or she wouldn’t have become a stripper, and later ignored a crying child just to finish folding the laundry. I DO feel sorry for her because it’s pretty obvious that is the sense of worth she developed from her family. And no doubt, that’s why the jerk keeps her — because she is a doormat. On the other hand, although I think it’s really admirable that you reached out a helping hand to her, you can not rewrite her self esteem.
Finally — you know you write INCREDIBLY well! Do you do this professionally? (Lord knows, you could!!!)