On Saturday night Kris came over. Yes, I’m weak. Damn it.
We met at a bar. I called him after writing my baggage post which stirred up all kinds of Kris memories. But by the time he got there my sickness, which had started creeping up on me earlier in the evening, was now a full blown stomach cramp. I could hardly stand up let alone swallow my drink.
“We have to go home, I feel sick.”
“No…,” he takes a step back, “No way. I can not get sick right now.”
This actually made me laugh because the look of fear on his face, he has a very charismatic face, and it looked like I was pointing a gun at his head. I couldn’t blame him. Benjamin’s day care bugs are the worst illnesses I’ve ever had, each one with it’s own unique set of vicious symptoms – pounding headaches, severe stomach cramps or violent coughs. It always surprises me that the little guy handles them with such grace. But not us adults. And Kris, having dated me for six months, has had his fair share of them.
I live just a few blocks from the bar so he walks me home anyway and I promise not to kiss him. After thanking the sitter we curl up on the couch. No kissing, just cuddling. So nice. I told him about the post I’d just published.
“I wrote about my baggage tonight.”
“Baggage? You don’t have any baggage. You just can’t ever hang out.”
Nothing like the clarity of a 24-year-old’s mind to make you feel like a goof for psycho-analyzing yourself. So I have two more tips to add to my list on How to Date a Single Mom:
1. Single moms can’t hang out all of the time. Take me for example, I am only available on Monday nights, which I’ve already got booked solid for the next two weeks. So to squeeze you in I’d have to find a sitter. Usually after a few dates and if I really like the guy, I invite them over for wine on my front porch (after Benjamin’s asleep). Once a guy’s in – like Kris was – I can be very spontaneous as long as Benjamin is invited. But, to a younger man, I’m sure a single mom’s inability to go out on the fly (without the kids) is a big negative. But that’s okay because young guys aren’t ready to settle anyway…
2. Pack your vitamins. If you’re dating a single mom with little ones in day care or school. And if they do get you sick you may experiences sicknesses the likes of which you could never have imagined – don’t make a big deal out of it, just take it like a man – because if you’re dating a single mom, chances are she’ll be too busy to bring you chicken noodle soup.
P.S. Kris left me a bucket by the bed and tucked me in … no drama, no crazy romp in the hay, just a good friend. And Benjamin’s illness had me on my ass for two days. Fun. One of the only times I daydream about having a sweet husband or boyfriend to take care of little me.
Related Kris posts you might like:
One Step Back, Two Steps Forward
Did I lose my Mr. Good Enough?
And my other How to Date a Single Mom posts:
How to Date a Single Mom, Part 1: The original, a very nice list on how to date a single mom.
How to Date a Single Mom, Part 2: What to tell a man dating a single mom?
How to Date a Single Mom, Part 3: Hear from a man who spent 5 days with Benjamin and I.
[Photo Credit: Spring Love, find it here]
How to Date a Single Mom, Part 5 (How to Win the Heart & Trust of a Single Mom)
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Filed under: how to date a single mom | Tagged: date a single mom, dating a single mom, dating single mom, divorce baggage, family, how to, how to date a single mom, life, love, relationships, sex, single mom, single mother, Thomas
Well put.
From a single dad’s perspective, I can say it works the other way around too, especially on your #1, about availability.
I briefly dated a really nice girl and my friends thought that I, a 37 year-old father of three, had scored the ultimate girlfriend: 28, single, never-married, loved kids but didn’t want any of her own, and drumroll please….she was hot.
In spite of all that “looks good on paper” stuff, she really had a hard time with the time I spent with my kids. Soccer practise (I’m the coach), recitals, dates with my kids, whatever…she had a really hard time with it and her response to it was a big reason we didn’t work out.
Dating other single moms has seemed to go much smoother. The pace of the relationship, time spent, etc….it’s almost like a language that you only get if you have kids.
So anyway, nice post and keep on truckin’.
As far as I’m concerned, they know this going in (point #1–availability). They can also hang out at home, in which case there may be a few more occasions–I count cooking as one of the great neutral territories–neither “kiddie” nor strictly adult, and a lot of fun.
I’ll be interested to see how the show handles the availability issue.
Who wrote you hate mail? Vixen. Do you believe people? I’ve got to get on Twitter. Was just reading your Tweet.
Tks Jonathan, I definitely get the language it’s why single moms and dads are the best company to keep.
O Solo Mama, cutest name btw. Yes, get on Twitter and it was some psycho guy. Super, super crazy – actually, kind of freaking out in this very moment. He was so nuts all of the vicious stuff he wrote just sounded scary.
sickness? enough of those caught from the little ones, and sooner or later, immunity from kiddie-borne diseases builds up. these childlesses got nothin’ on us.
on another front, haven’t seen her over a month now. she left two sweet-sounding i-miss-you-voicemails while I was on vacation in some third-world country. my voice mails not returned, i get the hint. oh well, life goes on..
Great blog. I can so relate… and isn’t it funny his first thought was, “I cannot get sick” instead of – “you gonna be ok, honey?”
I didn’t say it wasn’t typical, just funny.
Oh, the dating game…. nice to be taking a break from this for awhile. (Although I do miss the simple tucking you in bed because you are sick that comes with the sweetness of the relationship – must admit that one here.)
As a man dating a mother(she’s not single anymore lol) I can say that availability is a challenge at first. I think in order to get over that hurdle you have to love/want kids and see not only the attractive woman you are after but also the caring mom she is. You have to park your desires and work in to her schedule. For me, after about nine months, we are talking about moving in(i may need yall’s help on this) and marriage in the near future. Spontaneous changes, at leats I think, from catching a concert or late night martinis to showing up with steaks for grilling or an Elmo Sprinkler. A single mom is also a mirror for yourself and your actions. Seeing someone selflessly caring for a child and devoting themselves to him/her, makes your desires to go go out or party seem trivial. I think, even still, I am a total a$$ at times, luckily she loves me and we talk through everything. I think dating a single mom is the easiest, and hardest relationship to have, if that makes any sense, but if it works out, the most rewarding.
Dan – that’s too bad – but, oh well – more fish out there.
Katherine – yes, Kris is young and not yet trained in the “Oh, no – how can I make you feel better?” knee-jerk reaction thing. But he did do a great job at tucking me in, making sure I was okay – all of the stuff that counts. That boy has been through it all with Benjamin and I so he gets major props.
Jon B. – what’s this you say? Engagement on the horizon??? OMG. I am so happy for you – scared too. But I’m a marriage phobe. But from everything you’ve written about her on this blog and about your own feelings – I think it’s clear that you two should be together. You are awesome! And keep us posted.
Oh, it is nice to see your blog. I am a divorced now two years…and dad is around to help out…but dating again at 35 with a 14 year old daughter around and a 9 year old son is difficult.
I love them so dearly and don’t even want anyone to attempt to enter our inner bubble. However, I still look good and love to go out and I want some male companionship. As a bartender too, I am bombarded with date invites…but too scared to accept. I usually go out on one date, and no matter how great, never go out with the guy again…I can’t handle the pressure.
Hi, I have been single for a year now with two young children. I’m young, 25, and work my butt off with no involvement from their father,(he is dealing with some very serious issues.) I am very independent own a house and have done very well the last year on my own. I have just recently wanted to start dating, but I’m terrified. I am going on my first date this week and the issue with time has already been a problem. I work two jobs and coach soccer, and hate giving up anytime with my kids, but I know I need time for myself. Plus, I do want someone in my life. I have no idea how to juggle this or even began to think about the other issues involved with having a man in my life. I totally understand what Jenny is saying, it seems crazy for someone to come into our inner circle, but since my kids our young, I really want them to have the love of a father. I know I am totally getting ahead of myself, but for me I’m not looking to date around, in my eyes that’s a waste of my time and my kids time. To top it off, I have major trust issues. Am I a total mess?