I get a lot of e-mails. Some are encouraging, others are from admirers (too funny), some are hateful and then there are the e-mails too urgent to ignore – the e-mails I can’t answer solo. So, with their permission, I pose the question to you – my readers – in hopes that you can offer the advice I can’t. This time, it’s a doozy.
Krissy, 30, is a single mother to her 7-month-old son. Two weeks after she told her boyfriend she was pregnant, he dumped her for someone else. She’s been alone ever since. Her ex only visits his son once a month and when he does… well, just read what she wrote:
He (my ex) is so irresponable with him, he wont listen to me when I try to tell him things, like support him better when you hold him, (he has almost dropped him several times) he has fallen off the bed in his care, he got stuck under a chair in his care, he often ignores him.
I’m so concerned and worried because come September I need to finish college and my ex is offering to look after him while I’m in class. I can’t afford daycare right now. I’m so afraid something terrible is going to happen to my son out of neglect… he doesn’t really enjoy being a dad because it cramps his style. His parents talked him into helping me so I could finish college.
I think it’s clear this guy should not, under any circumstances, be left alone with his son. So what should she do? Finishing college is extremely important for Krissy. Are there any child care courses stupid, ass men like this one can take?
Any advice on finding quality, yet affordable child care? Are there any child care cost assistance programs out there? Krissy is reading this – so please… anything will help
Previous Single Mom S.O.S. posts:
Can she take the kids overseas?
Explaining the break-up to the kids
[Photo Credit: Daily Mail]
Filed under: Single Mom S.O.S. | Tagged: can't leave my ex alone with my son daughter, don't trust my ex, family, single mom, single mom child care, single mom day care costs, single mother
Hello,
If you are not comfortable leaving the baby with his dad then don’t. Where I live we can get help with childcare services through the Childcare Bureau , they go by income and will pay for childcare while you are going to school. I found out about it when I applied for food stamps and medical help…If you don’t know where to start go to or call the closest welfare office. Also another option is to look into the college you are going to and sometimes they offer childcare, I don’t know how much it is though. Parenting classes are also offered through Child Youth and Family services or whatever they may call it where you live, but honestly, if he is neglecting the baby I wouldn’t leave him with him.
Good luck.
I think the advice Spatula gave was excellent and the same advice I was given. I know that most counties/states have pretty good Social Services that offer help with those types of situation and most realtively large universities/colleges offer on site daycare that is usually a lot less than you would pay for off site. But I would not leave him with his father, until he proves himself capable of taking care of the baby properly. Maybe it would be good if he took some baby care/parenting classes.
1. First and foremost, if she feels he’s neglectful or harming the child, she needs to call DCFS/CPS on him. If she doesn’t want him caring for the child bc he’s a danger to the child he needs help. Which leads to #2:
2. Technically his kid = visitation rights alone legally. So she would either have to suck it up and pray for the best if he forced the issue, or do #1 so he is required to take parenting classes before he gets the child alone.
3. Lastly, in answer to your actual question…what spatulahandle said. Check the local social services office like WIC, DHS, etc. Even a local daycare can tell you who does the subsidizing for low income clients. Look online for your state/county child care assistance program. Also try a local google search for emergency childcare programs. In IL we have one called Kids in Need that does free child child care until things get figured out. Good luck!
Ditto to all of the above. But I should also think that a family is not just the mother and the father. Obviously the paternal grandparents feel a need to help Krissy out. But they know their son and know it may be a mistake leaving the baby with him. If they really want to help, why doesn’t everyone involved with the care of the baby sit down and figure out an alternate plan.
If the grandparents can’t actually watch the baby, maybe they could subsidize safe childcare. Or maybe the father can actually do that. His “style” is not cramped and the baby is safe.
Go to Social Services. Each state has something along the lines of “Child Care Assistance” where you can get daycare services for an affordable co-pay. My co-pay was $56.00 a month for the longest time! That is a steal and under no circumstances leave your child with someone you don’t trust. Do you feel good about his parents watching your baby? Can they supervise your ex while he watches your son? I would definitely ask for supervised visitation if you can prove abuse or neglect.
You guys are awesome. I’m sure this is going to help her tremendously. Have I told you all recently how much I LOVE YOU!
Brilliant single mamas and so strong…
Nothing more to add, just want to chime in some support. It won’t be easy sometimes, but it is a wonderful feeling leaving your child with someone who’s whole job is their care and wellbeing – it will make getting through school easier with that peace of mind.
If grandparents, family or friends can help, all the better. Do not leave a baby with this guy.
Thanks so much you guys! you have all been so helpful, unfortunatly the grandparents on both sides live hours away and wont be able to help out. Im going to look into the day care, i know my school does not offer it,I already asked, its a private school.If day care does not wrok out then I am thinking of not going back until perhaps my son is in school, i may just stay in my present city and work full time for a few years, adn take up a different career, thats how much i dont want his father taking care of him, he was just complaining about it last night actually, how much he is sacricifcing having to have his son while im in school. His attitude towards all this is a making my descision easier.
thanks again for all your support!
S.O.S mom.
Like previous posters have stated, your state should have some sort of child care assistance program available. With your student-status, you’ll most likely be a shoo-in for being accepted.
If not, though, you may want to consider some of your local churches. I just found out this summer that many offer free or very low-cost “Mother’s Day Out” programs during the week.
Also, you should consider filing for full custody with visitation. Document your concerns – ask someone in your state’s department of family & social services. Trust your instincts & do what’s best for your son…
Good luck.